I emailed Eldest Cousin about my almost imminent arrival in the old country. By return of email she replied to say that she had that very same morning been thinking her supplies of Mentholatum were running low and maybe her cousin (that’s me, btw) could get her another three or four tubs.
I could.
Of course, the oddest thing is that when I visit, I generally tend to cast my mind over possible gifts to take. And every single time I forget that a whopping great bagful of Mentholatum is what Eldest Cousin craves. Perhaps I can engrave it on my forehead?
I do find it useful myself, but my tub is many years old, as I don’t go through it like there’s no tomorrow. E C on the other hand, really knows how to appreciate the stuff. (And the reason I need to be asked is that the old country stopped selling it.)
So I’m a Mentholatum trafficker. It’s fairly innocent as things go, I feel.
I vividly recall the time E C and her offspring and our GP Cousin and all the various witchlets, and maybe even an aunt or two stopped off for a meal in a restaurant by the marina close to where we spent our childhood summers. Great view, and nice get-together.
As we waited for the food to arrive, I hauled out my tubs of Mentholatum, and as they were passed to E C, the others needed to acquaint themselves with the wonderful substance, so there was a lot of reading of labels and unscrewing of tops and sniffing and generally admiring my treasure. GP Cousin was quite taken with it, and a few others put in orders for some for themselves. Money changed hands.
Some people smuggle alcohol. Some people push drugs. I push Mentholatum.
The Occasional Bookwitch 
Well, at least Mentholatum will be good for the sniffer dogs. They will have nice clear chests.
The exiled junior branch in our family crave Walkers Prawn Cocktail crisps and Cadbury’s creme eggs. Hand luggage alone is not enough for the quantities required. How furtively I shamble up to check in, pass over my unhealthy cargo, and avoid making eye contact as I admit I packed the bags myself.
ha ha ha my family claim Nescafe from London taste better than the local Nescafe in the Philippines. And I always bring a stash of Oil of Ulay for my Mum.
You culd always tell when some one Irish was visiting the UK as they would be loaded up wtih Tatyo’s crisps and Barry’s tea in their hand luggage! It was a total nightmare tying to avoid the crips getting squished.
It probably would be a very good substance in which to traffic drugs, come to think of it. Funnily enough, a contemporary at my old school thought Marmite would serve a similar purpose (for smuggling, not rubbing) and on a school trip back from Amsterdam smuggled a chunk of cannabis resin immersed in a jar of Marmite. (It was found and he was expelled, and the sniffer dogs spent the rest of the day with wrinkled-up faces).
No Mentholatum?? Well, they sell it in Denmark so there can´t even be dangerous vitamins in the stuff.