Offspring named her Emma, but to me she can never be anything but Muriel. And she definitely has her own ideas about a number of things. The Resident IT Consultant had to ‘shut her up ‘ a little yesterday. I suppose having two women telling him what to do was one – or maybe two – too many.
Muriel is our dear, ancient satnav. But it’s not merely old age. She just doesn’t know where we live. Or rather, once we get close, she sends us (or would, if we were stupid enough to take her advice) the opposite way, which would simply not get us there at all.
Yesterday Muriel was given permission to speak, as long as she did so quietly, in order to keep us updated on last minute calamities on the roads. But he forgot to mention lunch to her. So as the Resident IT Consultant left the motorway for his favourite café in Lockerbie (that’s favourite in Lockerbie, not the world), Muriel got quite wordy, after having behaved nicely for a couple of hours. ‘In 200 hundred yards, turn left!’ That kind of thing.
Being left in the car park while we ate, didn’t seem to calm her down. She was fine once back on the motorway, but pretty soon the Resident IT Consultant decided on the scenic route (i.e. one of them), and she frantically suggested left turns and right turns and u-turns, pretty please. Although she cottoned on after some time.
We went high enough to be in the snow. It went white half due to mist and half due to snow, until we went lower down again. Quite enough for me, that was.
Muriel didn’t care much for his avoidance technique when we got to the Penicuik ‘downtown’ traffic lights and roundabouts. She was fine again, until I feared she’d demand to be taken to IKEA. I mean, what woman can just drive past and not want to go in for a look round? Especially when the official road sign suggests her favourite move; the u-turn.
She tried to get her revenge as we were a couple of minutes from Son’s and Dodo’s by pretending it was another three miles. Honestly!
But I suppose we love her, deep down. As I love all of you (except you, in the corner, obviously – yes, you). Thank you for being here. Unless Muriel guided you, in which case I haven’t got a clue where you are.